


I'm Moving On

by FabulousWriter



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Insanity, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 02:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16379399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabulousWriter/pseuds/FabulousWriter
Summary: When Unknown had finally become Saeran again, he goes through life in a different manner. The guilt begins to eat at him until he does something about it.





	I'm Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I had this written MONTHS before the Ray and V route. This is something I wanted to make so people can see how he feels during the time he was going through rehabilitation. So here we are.

**BANG!**

That was the sound that resonated within the Savior's sanctuary. Now, the one that was called Jihyun was on the ground.... dead. He was dead and I was the one that caused his death. God, what did I do? I wasn't trying to kill him! Saeyoung was the one that was supposed to die! Dropping the gun in my hands, I fell down to the ground. Shaking was all I could do at the moment; I could mourn the loss of Savior's beloved man later. Right now, I just wanted to take in the situation.

Saeyoung had come to my side, only to envelope me into his arms. Stiffening up, I looked to his face as he held me. Tears were cascading down his face, most likely over the loss of Jihyun. I couldn't help myself as I cried with him. I wrapped my own arms around him as we held each other. Our crying eventually reduced to sniffles as we looked over to Savior.

She was all shaken up as she stared at her dead lover, talking to him, as if she was trying to get him to speak to her. I stayed silent as the other members arrived. Saeyoung had let me go. MC walked over to us, and they both guided me away. Somewhere to recover from the whole ordeal, I suppose. As we walked, I looked back at the corpse of Jihyun, guilt flooded through my body. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, even if he couldn't hear me. I would have to do it and soon.

At the funeral for Jihyun, I couldn't muster up the courage to go to his coffin to tell him how sorry I was. Saeyoung was trying to get me to go up there, but I couldn't. I couldn't be around him even if he was dead! Turning around, I ran away as fast as my legs could take me. That was what I needed to do; to get away even if for a moment.

After the whole ordeal, the RFA accepted me into the Association. We were about to take a photo. Everyone was in a certain position and I?

I was at the end of the couch with MC between my brother and I. Not even looking at the camera, the shutter went off as the picture was taken. Now, I would forever have to look at my face, the face of a killer.

With a sigh, I had gotten up. I turned to look at Saeyoung and nodded my head in the direction of MC. A sign that it was time to propose to her. A chuckle escaped as he fumbled with the box that contained the ring within. He was always a bit of a dummy, even if he wouldn't admit it.

The wedding had come and went as I stayed with my brother and MC. I still couldn't accept the fact that I had killed a man. I guess I could wait and see how this goes in a year's time. Who knows? Maybe I'll get better....

_At least that was what I thought._

_**I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons** _   
_**Finally content with a past I regret** _   
_**I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness** _   
_**For once I'm at peace with myself** _   
_**I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long** _   
_**I'm movin' on** _

A year had passed since Saeyoung asked MC to marry him. MC had accepted me for who I am, even if I was once insane in the membrane. I still despise myself for what I did.

_I murdered an innocent man._

Who would be comfortable around a killer? I couldn't see how all of these RFA people accepted me. A killer—just like her. Savior, who took away my sanity and brainwashed me. During the moment, I was brainwashed and confused, but it doesn't change the fact I killed Jihyun! It's my fault he's dead!

After that declaration, I had decided to sneak away from Saeyoung and MC. The place I went to the hill, the only place I could cry my eyes out. The salty tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face as I cried. God, why did you do this to me? Why did my fate have to result in the death of an innocent man? The tears soon faded and I couldn't stop myself from hiccuping. My throat was dry and my voice was hoarse. After all of that crying, I felt exhausted, I was so weak that I passed out on the grass.

_**I've lived in this place and I know all the faces** _   
_**Each one is different but they're always the same** _   
_**They mean no harm but it's time that I face it** _   
_**They'll never allow me to change** _   
_**But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong** _   
_**I'm movin' on** _

Within a dream, Jihyun was in front of me. A panic looked came to my face as I try to get out words, but.... I couldn't. The words were caught in my throat. It was like my own voice left me, as though I had no vocal chords to begin with. I kept on trying to say words but every time I tried, nothing would come out.

So this ended with me just staring at him as he yelled at me, telling me it was all my fault that he was dead and that I didn't even deserve to exist. Blood tears were going down his face as my eyes produced the salty kind. My hands found their way to my ears as I no longer wanted to listen. The hurt, the sadness, the regret, and well everything!

_I want everything to stop!_

Sitting up, I had awoken with a cold sweat on my body as I look at my surroundings. It looks like Saeyoung or MC had carried me home and put me to bed. Panting was the only thing I could do at the moment as I tried to calm myself from the nightmare.

"It isn't real Saeran. Just a dream, you were only dreaming. It isn't real, it isn't real."

That is what I kept telling myself as I rocked back and forth in the bed. Panicking as my panting turned into hyper ventilation. I can't be alone during this, I needed someone.... anyone!

'Where's Saeyoung and MC? They should be here. If I throw my shoe against the door.... Maybe one of them will come and check up on me.' With that thought in my head, I looked down at my shoes as I fiddled with the laces of the left one. Managing to untie the laces of it, I threw it across the room and heard a bang as it hit the door. A smirk appeared on my face as the noise resonated into my ears. A sigh left my lips as I hoped for someone to come.

_**I'm movin' on** _   
_**At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me** _   
_**And I know there's no guarentee's, but I'm not alone** _   
_**There comes a time in everyone's life** _   
_**When all you can see are the years passing by** _   
_**And I have made up my mind that those days are gone** _

A few minutes ticked by until MC came. She saw me in my current state, ran to my side and tackle-hugged me as she asked me what's wrong. As she held me in her arms, my hyperventilating soon stopped. The feeling of her against me, holding me as though I was her child, this was the loving embrace of a mother—a mother I never knew.

Burying my face into her neck, I took deep breaths as she rubbed my back. Only with them around could I feel sane. Well, except for when Saeyoung acts imbecilic. All jokes aside, I can say that these two people are dear to me now.

MC was definitely going to be a caring mother if the two of them ever decided to have children. What she's doing right now is proof of it.

As she let me go, I looked into her eyes. "MC, I need to go see Jihyun's grave."

_**I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't** _   
_**Stopped to fill up on my way out of town** _   
_**I've loved like I should but lived like** _   
_**I shouldn't** _   
_**I had to lose everything to find out** _

MC questioned me on the matter. Was it really necessary for me to tell her? No, it wasn't any of her concern. I had unfinished business with Jihyun. After that nightmare, I knew it was time.

**Time to tell Jihyun how sorry I truly am.**

We arrived at the cemetery around an hour after MC comforted me. She stayed by my side as I looked around for his grave. It should be close by, if I can remember correctly. He wanted to be close to the entrance of the cemetery if he was to die.

There were many graves here. It took me a while to find Jihyun's grave, but eventually I found it. I felt his spirit here with me, listening and waiting to hear my words. I knew deep down that it was time to apologize. Hopefully, I don't decide to run away again. Running away was not an option this time and I can't back down.

Taking in a deep breath, I walk up to his grave, positioning myself into pray. After paying my respects to him, the words I've been desiring to say finally let loose.

"Jihyun, I'm so sorry for what I did. I wasn't trying to shoot you, I really wasn't. My God, I'm sorry. Saying these words won't bring you back and you probably can't hear me, but can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"

As the words came to an end, I felt as though a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally. I had finally apologized for my actions. Now, I can rest easy from this point onwards.

_I was finally moving on._

_**I had to lose everything to find out** _   
_**Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road** _   
_**I'm movin' on** _   
_**I'm movin' on** _   
_**I'm movin' on** _


End file.
